Last month I turned fifty.
It seems like a surreal sort of statement. Fifty? Me? Some days it feels like I have fifty years of experience in this world, and others I wonder how that much time has passed.
The arrival of my fiftieth birthday felt highly anticipated. It’s not that I was expecting fireworks or that I purposely zeroed in on it. Rather, in the year leading up to this birthday, on an almost subconscious level, I became quite reflective. What had I done thus far? What will I want to do in the coming years?
I can answer the first question quite easily. I have earned a few degrees and certifications. I’ve been a teacher, a stay at home mom, a food blogger, a CEO, a program manager, and more. I’ve been married, divorced, and married again. I have raised two children and also gotten to be the stepmom of two more. I’ve made my share of mistakes and had a number of successes, and I wouldn’t change almost any of it.
The second question is more perplexing. I enjoy everything I am doing career-wise: Editor-in-Chief of PeKu and Think Tasty; Director of Aftercare and Community at WV Stables; wine educator. Yet, I wonder: should I be trying something else, making one of these roles a large part of my day, building something more?
Outside of career aspirations, I considered other pieces of my life. Are there other goals I need to set, challenges I should embrace? What are the things that should fill my days? Maybe, rather than considering how to fill my days, I need to think about how I define myself.
What I’ve learned in this past year is that although fifty is a milestone, it isn’t a defining moment in and of itself. This year of reflection didn’t provide me with clear answers as to what I should do with my future, but it did (and still does) make me think more creatively about my prospects.
I guess what it comes down to is that at fifty I’m still figuring out what I want to be and do when I grow up.
So, world, get ready. Fifty year old me is ready to conquer adventures both seen and yet to be determined!